I Made You Cry...

Hi...


there is nothing much to say already.. everything feels like its over..


I just don't feel like trying anymore..


I still will keep my promises i made.. but i think i wont make more promises.. i wont be able to keep it..


I'm glad to be the only one who can make you cry, cause if i leave you then you will only be smiling and happy..


I knew this will happen.. I tried to fight so hard.. till hurt you..
I don't have the energy to fight anymore..


so.. at least.. give me a chance to say good bye..

I lost a friend..

Thanks for reading my posts.. I just suddenly felt i should thank you for reading my blogs..

So far.. any comments..?

I know.. it's sad and hopeless.. but maybe.. could you try accept that there are people like me in this world..

everything and anything is against me.. all my choices are wrong..

Who understands me..? Who willing to take the time to think about me..

after all this time.. I started to think why i need someone beside me.. 

I'm sorry for all the things that i have done.. If there's a chance to turn back time, it's better if you never meet me..

I caused you so much pain and suffering.. if wishes are true, I wish to all the pain comes to me..

I'm sorry for loving you, I'm sorry for holding you, I'm sorry for being your friend..

but.. it's really ok.. you dont need to keep this in your heart..

you just lose 1 friend.. but I lost my only friend..

It's a beautiful lie..

I always believe when you say "we're friends".. 

you will never forget about me..

that we can talk about anything that we want..

that we care for each other..

share happy and sad stories and moments in our lives..

and most important..

never leave when i needed you the most..

but i guess i was wrong..

i really should have already realize that I'm not allowed to have friends.. I not supposed to ask for company.. I don't deserve to be treated well..

I should have realize that being different means to live alone.. be hated by everyone and everything.. 

even if all i think about is to be their "friend".. a good friend.. a best friend..

when any of them are sad or have something bothering them.. I think i tried to helped them in anyway i can.. I know i did.. but how come they can just forget about it like it was just nothing?? 

is it too small things to remember..? is it that without me, they still can manage to solve their problems..?

but when they ask for help, it's like they we're crying and  in pain.. it was all a lie...? they're acting just to use me..?

I wont regret being your friend.. I still keep every memory i can a bout you.. cause that is what keeps me alive now.. 

I don't mind if you were acting to be my friend.. at least.. I was happy when I meet you..

thanks.. for all the things you did for me.. and sorry.. for all the things I have done to you..

I miss you..