I Made You Cry...

Hi...


there is nothing much to say already.. everything feels like its over..


I just don't feel like trying anymore..


I still will keep my promises i made.. but i think i wont make more promises.. i wont be able to keep it..


I'm glad to be the only one who can make you cry, cause if i leave you then you will only be smiling and happy..


I knew this will happen.. I tried to fight so hard.. till hurt you..
I don't have the energy to fight anymore..


so.. at least.. give me a chance to say good bye..

I lost a friend..

Thanks for reading my posts.. I just suddenly felt i should thank you for reading my blogs..

So far.. any comments..?

I know.. it's sad and hopeless.. but maybe.. could you try accept that there are people like me in this world..

everything and anything is against me.. all my choices are wrong..

Who understands me..? Who willing to take the time to think about me..

after all this time.. I started to think why i need someone beside me.. 

I'm sorry for all the things that i have done.. If there's a chance to turn back time, it's better if you never meet me..

I caused you so much pain and suffering.. if wishes are true, I wish to all the pain comes to me..

I'm sorry for loving you, I'm sorry for holding you, I'm sorry for being your friend..

but.. it's really ok.. you dont need to keep this in your heart..

you just lose 1 friend.. but I lost my only friend..

It's a beautiful lie..

I always believe when you say "we're friends".. 

you will never forget about me..

that we can talk about anything that we want..

that we care for each other..

share happy and sad stories and moments in our lives..

and most important..

never leave when i needed you the most..

but i guess i was wrong..

i really should have already realize that I'm not allowed to have friends.. I not supposed to ask for company.. I don't deserve to be treated well..

I should have realize that being different means to live alone.. be hated by everyone and everything.. 

even if all i think about is to be their "friend".. a good friend.. a best friend..

when any of them are sad or have something bothering them.. I think i tried to helped them in anyway i can.. I know i did.. but how come they can just forget about it like it was just nothing?? 

is it too small things to remember..? is it that without me, they still can manage to solve their problems..?

but when they ask for help, it's like they we're crying and  in pain.. it was all a lie...? they're acting just to use me..?

I wont regret being your friend.. I still keep every memory i can a bout you.. cause that is what keeps me alive now.. 

I don't mind if you were acting to be my friend.. at least.. I was happy when I meet you..

thanks.. for all the things you did for me.. and sorry.. for all the things I have done to you..

I miss you..

The meaning behind a kiss...

A meaning of a kiss..

To me,

A kiss shows many kinds of feelings to someone you love and like.. If that special someone let you kiss her, I wish I will never be far apart from her.. Every kiss is like when i saw a shooting star, I will make a silent wish in my heart.. and all the wish is for her..

there are few sweet place I know that is really sweet..

Forehead

Kissing here is the most common place and caring.. It's a place to wish good night to you loved one..

To wish sweet dreams and good night..

Also, kissing here means I 

wish all the best for her and to let her know that I'm always close to her..

to let her know I'm always there for her..

Cheek

here is to wish that 

she is really really cute and I like her just the way she is~

I don't want to see her change..

I don't want to see her sad and tired, I hope that a kiss here will cheer her up

as a friendship kiss and remind her that I'm nearby..

Nose

rarely happens..

but it's a cute and happy kiss~

just to wish a happy day and have fun~

sweet playful kiss..

Neck

kissing softly here means so many things..

I wish for her to feel comfortable and safe around me..

I wish to tell her that you can trust me, that I'm here just to make her happy and smile..

and  that we'll always be friends..

Heart

to me.. is the most important kiss..

I wish.. 

to take away all your pain and suffering..

let me listen to your heart beat.. so that i know what you really want..

I will try my best, to take care of you, to protect you, and to carry you when you feeling down..

anywhere hurt

like finger, arm, leg or back pain..

A soft kiss and slowly blow..

I wish for you to heal and get well soon..

to let you know, if you're in pain..

I will never leave you when you need somebody..

well.. that's all i guess..

I know i sound stupid and childish.. but, it really means a lot to me.. I want to keep our friendship as long as possible.. every kiss, I will wish something.. it is very special to me..

hope you understand..

I miss you..

Hi.. how are you feeling today...?

hmm.. things are repeating nowadays.. work, eat, sleep.. >,<"

lesser and lesser people wan play pool with me.. they say because i keep winning?? that means being good also means not good?? hmm... then i just play alone only...

When there is nothing to do, I start think a lot of things.. 

Missing someone is really hard.. I tried to stop thinking of her.. but everywhere i go and everything i do, i wish she was beside me..

I plan to continue study far away.. but the last time i said want to continue study, many bad things happen.. and it's all cause i wanted to do the things i want..

My family suffer a lot cause of me being selfish.. and i dont mind if everybody blame me.. i dont have the energy to fight back anything already..

Anyhow, maybe i should give up trying to make myself happy.. cause i realize if I'm happy, people beside me are sad.. i really dont understand..

Should i really be here...? I feel like running away.. 

i tried to solve the problems but they just wont give me a chance..

If i go away.. i feel my friends here will be more comfortable.. right...?